Posts Tagged ‘Un-Medicated Depression’

Good Thursday Morning Followers –

I am writing today from a somewhat dark place in my mind – one reason why I shouldn’t go unmedicated – I am tired, emotionally drained and just ready for the next phase in my journey…disenchantment has set-in at work and I really just don’t want to be here anymore…I really want to tell my company to bugger off and I’ll see them on the flip side, good luck with my replacement I’m outta here…but alas I cannot burn this bridge.  It’s a double-edged sword I cannot pretend to want to get stuck on…I can’t pretend everything is ok and that each day is ok…I can’t look at everyone around me knowing that in a month-two months-whatever they’ll still have their jobs and I’ll be screwed.

What I can’t wrap my head around is the why?

– Why are they changing my job over to another department?

– Why now?

– Why not last year before offering me my benefits?

– And why must it be in Florida?

My husband has said he kind of saw this coming when the Corporate types started pestering me, questioning everything I was doing, and auditing every little step and key stroke I made…I guess to a certain extent he’s right, I did too, but was in denial hoping I was wrong…

Five Years!

FIVE GODDAMN YEARS! I’ve given this company while they kept me at arms length as a temp…I stuck by, giving them my all, 120% for the first portion of my time here hoping beyond hope I’d be hired on as a permanent employee.  That went out the window some time ago and I just gave them my 40 hours a week and no more because I knew it was fruitless.  My boss is spineless, she doesn’t stand up for her employees, she doesn’t fight for us, she allows the contracting company to dictate everything.

Yesterday I told my Finance contacts what’s going on – one of them said it sucks, and that he’s sad I’m being forced out because I know them, know how they work, and have been able to build a good working relationship with them.  To see it tossed out on a whim is just angering them all…I feel more valued by the contracting company than I do my own employer.  How sad is that?!?!?

So then I have had many ask me why I don’t re-apply for the job and move?

Simple – I NO LONGER TRUST MY COMPANY, that and I don’t want to move to Florida…I’ve never been to Tampa, I’ve never so much as set foot inside the corporate offices (again being kept @ arm’s length meant I wasn’t worthy enough of any training or opportunities to go to the Corporate office)…my kids are settled here, their schools and friends are here, our Girl Scout troop is here, my co-leaders and the girls rely on me, I can’t just walk away.

So that’s where I am – I’m being pickier about the applications I put in, I’m NOT willing to take a pay cut just to get another job…I know what I’m worth and God Dammit I’m not taking any less than that!